


Let The Water Take Me

by FairyQueen (etoilecourageuse)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Despair, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Insanity, No Dialogue, Rain, Second War with Voldemort, Wartime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 16:18:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4967767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilecourageuse/pseuds/FairyQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The rain brings blessed relief.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let The Water Take Me

The rain would not cease to fall. It was drumming incessantly against the windowpane, as it had for hours and hours as though it never were to finish. There was lightning, too, now, flashing so suddenly that it would briefly, for no longer than a second, bathe the room in such pale, such eerie light, lightning that was followed nearly immediately by the deep, frightening growling of thunder. It felt as though the gates of hell had been pushed open, never to be closed again.

Narcissa nearly screamed as she jolted from her sleep, heavily breathing, drenched in sweat and yet shivering with cold. Instinctively she reached out her hand and was startled to find her husband there beside her as their nights together had become so rare. She found Lucius beside her, looking so at peace with his eyes closed, his chest rising and falling so slowly, so calm, as though he did not have a single concern in the world, as though during daytime he was not tormented by such countless fears that were so constantly threatening to crush him.

Dreamless sleep. Even in the dark Narcissa could make out the tiny phial on his bedside table, gave a quiet sigh as she should have known that without assistance he, too, would be haunted by nightmares, incapable of sleeping for longer than an hour. She should have known… How many times had he offered her a flacon of the liquid for herself, and how many times had she declined, looked at him with a forced smile, and shaken her head? No matter how despairingly she longed for rest at times, no matter how difficult each day had become for her, she would not, dared not allow herself to rely on potions to give her what she so desired, not as long as they all were required to be careful, constantly alert and never unheeding.

Who would wake him, if the Dark Lord required Lucius’ presence at night and they both were so fast asleep? Who would watch out for messages to be delivered, perhaps bearing word of their son, who…?

It was so dangerous; each day was dangerous beyond belief, every breath they took bore such incredible… It was so dangerous. But would she not be glad to sacrifice anything for her family, would she not gladly endure each nightmare that were to overcome her, as long as they were safe? Nightmares… What were nightmares but mere spectres conjured by a weary mind? What were they compared to the sheer endless terrors of waking? Lucius, Draco… They were all she had left, and hadn’t she vowed to protect them, hadn’t she sworn countless silent oaths to stand by their side until the very end and never to surrender?

He worried for her. Narcissa could see so clearly that Lucius worried for her, wished for nothing more than to release him from this additional burden, but how? How could she? To smile at him, to always smile at him, day by day and night by night, to look into his eyes as though there were nothing to fear and to never lose her face, to never lose her strength… It seemed nearly impossible at times. The many sleepless nights had marked her, had left behind dark shadows beneath her eyes and caused her skin to fade, had given her hands a nearly imperceptible tremor that only those closest to her would notice. How… How could she take his concern from him if she felt so weak, as though she had long pushed herself beyond her limits?

The war had pushed them all beyond their limits, had taken its toll on all of them… They all were suffering, stumbling blindly through the darkness with no hope to ever again take hold of the light.

She had once adored rain more than anything. Now it seemed to drive her close to madness. Thunderstorms had never frightened her and yet once more Narcissa released a muffled cry as lightning seemed to strike so close, burying her face deep within the pillow, afraid that she might have woken her husband after all with her foolishness.

All of a sudden she rose, rose as in this moment she could no longer stand to remain within her bed, and quickly slipped out of the room and onto the windowless corridor, pressing both her hands so firmly against her ears as though to silence the raindrops, as though to silence the thunder that seemed to speak to her, to incessantly accuse her of nothing but weakness.

How much longer until even the last of her strength faded? How much longer until she broke down at last? How she wished to be weak at times, how she wished to break… It felt as though she had gone into a trance, as though an invisible force were leading her as Narcissa walked down the stairs, slowly, step by step so as not to fall, as she then paced through several rooms and at last opened the door that lead to the backyard before she realised what she was doing, stepping into the night.

The rain had consumed her within seconds, had so quickly soaked her silken nightgown, her hair, and her skin… She had been freezing mere moments before, but now heat seemed to overwhelm her despite the storm, despite the cold water hailing down upon her as though it were never to end. Heat seemed to overwhelm her, and yet, for the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Narcissa found herself capable of breathing - of breathing, truly, for the first time it felt as though she were free… Free. When had she ever been so free, so liberated?

It felt as though the water were cleansing her, cleansing her of the dirt, the shame that had clung to her body and soul so despairingly, as though it were washing away her sins, her tragedies, her senses.

Free… When had she ever been so free? To silence the rain… To be so desperate to silence the rain, the thunder… What a fool she had been, as only the rain was to give her relief, to cause her to forget - to forget about everything, even the war.

If only the rain could take it all away, too the war that they were destined to lose, that had robbed them of everything they had once valued except each other. How could she still believe? How could they all still believe, after everything they had experienced? How? They had followed him so blindly and were merely puppets now, puppets in a cruel play that would never come to an end.

If only the rain could take it all away… Narcissa closed her eyes and would have screamed, would have laughed, had she had the strength. Instead she spread her arms, not noticing how she trembled or that she sank to her knees, no longer in control of her body.

Strong… She would be strong, so strong for her family, her husband, her son… Hadn’t she shed all of her weakness in the rain? She would be strong, would face the war and not surrender, she would be strong… How much she loved them. How much she loved them both, how much… Strong. Of course she would be strong, always. And they would triumph - they all would triumph, would emerge from this war laughing. They would not need to worry for her.

Free… Hours passed like minutes, hours of such sweet relief… Dawn had not yet broken as the water came to claim her, as unconsciousness took her and Narcissa smiled, smiled truly, as she faded slowly into emptiness. The rain would not cease to fall.


End file.
